Irmak Şahinkaya

Do we remember the questions we had 5 years ago? Maybe we remember some that still concern most of the society, like the economy, war or politics. But not the personal ones that change through time. Change in decades, months, days or seconds of realization. Through time, we start to realize the reality, or in other words, the big picture.

I was probably worrying about the math lesson I had in the first two periods on Mondays, 5 years ago. That lesson was my nightmare. Our teacher was a quick-tempered one, unlike the other teachers we had. I was so scared to be asked a question by her. The idea of answering the question with the wrong answer was even worse. But I wasn’t humiliated in front of the class, because my classmates would feel sorry for me and for the others. That year was the year we started to empathize with each other. And now, here I am, trying to figure out the words to use to express myself. At that time, the life I knew was perfect to me, with the exception of the flaw of the math lesson. 

The life I knew changed more than once in 5 years without me realizing. I’ve never liked math lessons and I probably won’t adore math for the next few years, but I am no longer scared of it and it’s no longer a problem I feel I have to deal with. As I grew older and as the life I knew started to change, I learned what responsibility is. I learned I don’t need to like stuff just because I understand it. I am the same girl I was 5 years ago, with the same likes but with a different mindset.